Welcome to the ever-changing puzzle. Welcome to my mind.
Negro Seuss
I wanna make a career by spitting bars on stages
Abusing graphite on every page I’m filled with rage
Cuz al I wanna do is mix and match similes deliver em brilliantly and quite simp-ily become the greatest in his-tor-y
But I don’t wanna leave empty lyrics I wanna leave an impact
Knowledge is power so you better think fast
Before u regret yo decisions and lose sight of yo mission (real facts)
So imma stay educating the black youth, dark skin barrack so , I’m back like a dopamine addict to crack
The devil tryna stop me through various distractions in every direction
Time to decide between needs and wants I’m at the intersection
Everyone got problems they too afraid to mention
I’m 16 and certain, that experience is the best way to learn a lesson
I not saying I’m perfect, cuz i got many flaws, like a criminal facing a verdict, who broke many laws
As a matter of fact, I’m money driven to the max, and I hate tax almost as much as racist cops who favourite hobby like to shoot blacks
So I’m going to enjoy every breath, living without regrets, because for every second that passes I, you, we, come closer to an inevitable death
Explanation:
The following art piece is intended to help you, the reader to come one step closer to comprehending some of the most frequent thoughts and feelings that often get lost in the maze. In my mind. I talk about a dream of making a career, by showcasing my lyrical abilities to an audience. Educating people like M.E (melanin enhanced) , ranting about the racism, as well discrimination everybody faces daily, the most prominent example being the various crimes that are happening all over the world. While making it clear that I am still human, and make many mistakes just like everybody else. I hope this art piece helps you begin to understand that everyone has their own struggle, each unique, but similar at the same time. All we can do is take life one step at a time, and relish every moment. For life is like a play, no pause, no rewind, just action, thus we can only guess when the curtains close.
February 28, 2019 at 10:06 pm
Dear David,
Just to start it off, thank you for staying in Creative Writing as you make each class even more enjoyable than it already is. This is your first year taking this elective, and your blog aesthetics are already better than what I did in grade 10.
As for writing, I have never seen slam poetry, and it truly is something different. When I read through this piece I could follow along and hear how this would sound if it was ever audio recorded. Everything you said sounded authentic, and there was one line that resonated with me the most: “But I don’t wanna leave empty lyrics”.
For improvement, I would say go through this piece again and check for any GUMPS as it takes away from this piece a little. Other than that, your style of writing is authentic and is actually really fun to read.
Sincerely,
Abhay
March 1, 2019 at 6:10 pm
Dear David,
I’m taken by shock at how great and powerful this rap was! I can see that the topic of racism and discrimination is something you stand against and want to see change, and when your lyrics are heard I doubt there would be anyone who wouldn’t stand to change the way our society is ( I hope that made sense).
Your words were so effectual and helped me understand what goes on in your mind and what keeps your motivated. The work you have shared and this post show your style of writing and it was so interesting to see how you put thing together. I have never really liked rhyming but I respect the way you have rhymed because it really was to show great depths of emphasizing on this topic and made everything that much more meaningful. For some improvement, even though there isn’t much room for it, I would say to add a few periods after some sentences for full effect and closure on some of the lines, but that might just be the way you decided to do it. “ But I don’t wanna leave empty lyrics I wanna leave an impact” is an example of where I would think a period would work well.
All in all David, this piece is excellent and I look forward to reading more of your great work in the future!
Love,
Sarah (:
March 1, 2019 at 6:45 pm
Dear David,
I just want to start out by saying goodness gracious man, have you considered a career in music? Your piece has really resonated with me, I really felt that you had put yourself unto the page in this piece and your message was deeply inspiring.
I’m loving how you’re using hip-hop and rap culture as a common theme in your blog, just remember when you’re using slang and jargon in your work you specify this in a preface or a disclaimer.
Yours truly,
Michael
March 3, 2019 at 3:22 am
Dearest David,
What a fabulous piece, you are truly a master of the lyrics. You have painted bright bold imagery with the words you have chosen , and I am absolutely memorised with the constant thoughts that flood your mind. “So I’m going to enjoy every breath, living without regrets, because for every second that passes I, you, we, come closer to an inevitable death,” and ” So imma stay educating the black youth, dark skin barrack so , I’m back like a dopamine addict to crack, ” are two lines that painted a story infront of me , that i quite simply cannot forgot. You are a wonderful writer, and I hope someday, you rule the world stage with your words. However you have stage presence is a beautiful thing, and I am hoping that sooner or later, you can bring these words to life and possibly add an audio recording of you on mic, to fill the world with sound, because what you can do with words is truly astounding.